Header from Fyr til Fyr 60k. Photo by Moses Løvstad

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Howard Thurman

Wednesday, 5 September 2007

Waking Up

So this morning we woke up early for a lecture. Every morning I look at my lover sleeping and I still can't believe it is real that we are lying here next to each other. We didn't want to get up. He fell back asleep and I put my arm around him. I could feel him breathing on my arm in the most perfect way. There are countless moments like these with him, where I wish time would stand still.
I suppose I should give the Reader a bit more background. Last year I was happily married and headed for the surgical residency of my choice in a state far away. I had three different months where I worked with, we'll call him, SR. The second month was somewhat unreal and it was as if neither of us wanted to admit what was happening. We talked about everything and had fun at work. I realized how happy I was. We spent every moment together we could, all the while wondering how close of friends we could become. He is so smart and funny. He graduated first in his medical school class in a European Country and came to the US with his wife, who is from here. And he speaks perfect English and German and Swedish and Norwegian as well as his native language of course, but I digress. But one additional point I need to make is he is the best looking guy a know, like a blonde Ewan McGreggor, but better looking. And beautiful green eyes. So we ran together, played tennis together, went skiing together. We actually entered a 5k race, which he won and I took second for the women. Nothing in the world made us happier than spending time together. And yet it was forbidden. But on March 13th, he asked me in to his house to fold laundry and I told him I was in love with him and never should have gotten married. He stared at me for a long time. He told me I was perfect and that "the flood gates would open," so I better be sure. We kissed. So unreal. We told our respective spouses. (His had already told him she was a lesbian.)
So we fell more and more in love, all the while knowing that I only had 3.5 months before I needed to leave for the far away state. They were the best months of my life. We went camping and running and had sex at least once a day, hoping I would get pregnant. We even had sex on a beach while back country camping. People in the outside world either thought we were crazy or just plain didn't care.
The day before I was to leave for the surgical residency in a far away state, we found out I was pregnant. We were so happy we cried. He drove me to the far away state after I said my goodbyes to his two wonderful children. I spent a week there, not knowing what I would do alone and pregnant and then alone with a baby and having to work 80 hour weeks and take overnight call. After a week there, SR drove all night to convince me to leave the program and move back in with him. We were miserable without each other. I explained the dilemma to my program director. I left the program on good terms.
I am back home living with SR. We just visited his family in the European Country and we are planning to move there so we can both continue residency. In the meantime I will work in the Urgent Care of a local hospital.
I am waiting to start working right now. I am spending my days running 12 miles then biking then swimming. I am now 17 weeks along in the pregnancy and I feel great!
My advice to the Reader is this: follow your heart and you might just wake up every morning realizing you're even more in love.

No comments: