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"Children are fascinated by the ordinary and can spend timeless moments watching sunlight play with dust. Their restlessness they learn from you. It is you who are thinking of there when you are here. It is you who thinks of then instead of now. Stop. Let your children become the teachers and you the student" - William Martin

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Monday, 10 May 2010

Can't keep a level head

It is nearly unbelievable I am going to write the following on the internet, but if there are other OCD control freaks out there like me, perhaps you will realize you are not alone. The rest of you can just enjoy a laugh at my expense.

Yesterday was kind of a weird day. I rode the train with the kids to Copenhagen and was plagued by such an extreme nausea that I questioned whether or not SR and I could go on our planned run. The planned run was the family championships, involving SR, his dad, his brother, his uncle and me. One could either run one or two times around Bagsværd Lake (4.1 miles for one time) and we compared times. My warm-up run with SR once around the lake didn't feel so good, but my tempo 2x around the lake felt awesome. I got a personal record for the endeavor with a time of just over 62 minutes for 8.2 miles on a pretty hilly at times technical route (involving many small dogs prone to attacking).

When am I getting to the good part? I woke up several times at night due to nausea. What on earth could this be besides pregnancy? The first stores here open at 9 am and since there was nothing big going on with my project, I left to buy a pregnancy test. I took it at the store. Oh, I'm now one day late for my period, by the way. And it was just completely blank. No control line or anything. So the test was a dud? I went and got my money back and bought a new one (these are packs of two and she wouldn't let me keep the unused one from the first pack). I came home and took it. This time there was no control line, but the pregnancy line was red. I took the third test. This time a BARELY visible control line and no pregnancy line. WTF? It was all too much. Were these just all faulty tests (unfortunately they only had one kind at Bilka). I drove out again, this time to a store called Kvikly, and took another test. This one was clearly negative. But what if my urine was just too dilute and that's why the first three didn't work? I called SR at work "I know I'm pregnant! What's wrong with these tests?" I was crying... So I went on a run over lunch hour and then just took another test. Negative.

Well, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of thinking about it and worrying about it. The most frustrating is trying to fathom whether or not all these symptoms are induced by my own imagination. Ok, on to thinking about other things (I hope).

14 comments:

Brooke said...

I don't think this is OCD at all! I think this is a very normal response to any woman wanting a baby (you can't imagine how many tests I have peed on). Wait it out 3 days, try again and see what happens. Maybe your family in the states can send you some pregnancy tests you are more confidant in?? Goodluck!!

Marie-Aline said...

as everybody now knows, I am a wimp, therefore can't get too personnal if it is for everyone to read... therefore my comment is waiting for you in your gmail inbox!

Anonymous said...

I wonder how sensitive the pregnancy tests are there? You can go to www.peeonastick.com to compare sensitivities. Not that I have done this. Obsessively. ;-) Good luck. I hope you get two lines soon.

PiccolaPineCone said...

not only am I OCD, I am CHEAP. i have actually, in the past, tried cutting my pregnancy pee sticks in half, lengthwise, so i could use one test twice (limited success). then I found the dollar store tests which were cheap enough ($1 in fact) that I didn't bother anymore. I agree with Brooke though, try to wait 3 days... one day late with an irregular menstrual cycle is a little soon.

Brianne said...

I've had both a blank test and tests that were so faint I felt like my mind was playing tricks on me. In both cases I was pregnant. Here's hoping!

sea legs girl said...

Piccola, now THAT was the best laugh of the day. Cutting in half lengthwise. God! Why didn't I think of that? And if only pregnancy tests cost $1 here. The duds from Bilka cost over $4 each. If one were to buy Clear Blue Easy here, it costs $80. I am not joking. That is also what a box of Viactiv costs.

I have one left and I will at least wait until Wednesday. I was feeling kind of stupid about posting this, but when I read these comments, I felt better :).

Marathon Princess said...

Nope, not OCD at all and if it is then I've got it too. My pregnancy test was so faint I counted it as negative until a blood test the next day said otherwise! Any chance you can get a blood test done?

SteveQ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ewa said...

I am so glad my 'I want to get pregnant' / 'I don't want to get pregnant' days are behind me. You have no idea how many pregnancy tests I've used in my life. I am sure I alone supported big pharma with my testing.
If at all possible, just wait a couple of days before you do another test.

xapis said...

I would be feeling the same way. I know that whenever I feel a little off, or sick, or have a few bad runs my default is to wonder if I'm pregnant. I happen to be frugal as well and I hate the fact that I have to spend $12 for three tests and love it when I can find them at the dollar store. (Is it inconsistent to buy pregnancy tests there but to know that I would never in a millions years go near the condoms that they sell?) I cannot believe that Clear Blues cost that much. We could all air mail you tests for much less than that! (Wouldn't that be a funny thing to find in your mail box?) I hope that you're able to resolve the ambiguity soon!

Anonymous said...

what about vitamin D levels and thyroid fct? iodine in your prenatals? if these are off, nausea anc etc can be worse... especially if pregnant. my sister in law just had this experience... finally, after 8 wks of dealing with it, she was indeed pg and discovered pg-induced thyroid issues... plus lives in the NW of US so sunshine is lacking... anyway... added iodine... now past 12 wks pg and feeling great! ;)

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