6 months since The Lorax was born. Since I saw his little gray round face and dark understanding eyes.
I used to figure that having kids would mean my own life would come to a halt. I'd be too consumed by motherhood to find time for myself. My thighs would get fat from all of the chocolate I'd secretly eat in my depression. And would cry when I saw my mom jeans in the mirror. And suddenly I'd realize that I was the one with the screaming kid in the grocery store.
Other than the fact that the Lorax was screaming in the grocery store today, my worries were in vain.
I'm not trying to say that I didn't want to have The Lorax. And anyone who was reading SR's blog from the beginning knows how desperately we wanted to have a child together. And perhaps there is nothing better in life than having a child with someone you love, adopted or home grown.
And becoming a mother doesn't have to make you a mom.
I feel the happiest, most well-rounded and most physically fit that I have felt in my life. Since The Lorax was born, I've run my first ultramarathon and my second (took 3rd woman!), competed in my first triathlon, won my first race (albeit a relay with SR) and set mile and 5k PR's.
I'm summarizing all of this because I would have loved to know this was possible before I got pregnant. And maybe some mothers-to-be out there will be reassured by it. I would be remiss, though, if I didn't mention that it is SR who has made me see that I can be both the mother and the woman I want to be.
And leaving my residency program to moonlight part time also turned out to be the right choice. My mom says repeatedly now "I would have gone into medicine if I knew I could do what you're doing."
My biggest piece of advice is to do what you know is right for you. And live with a clear conscience (Olga has been writing this in her comments on my blog all along, of course). There are plenty of people out there who think they know what is right for pregnant mothers and new mothers. Don't ignore them, but follow your intuition.
As most of you know, I had many people on this very blog and on forums all over the web writing nasty things about how much I ran during pregnancy. There was more than one person who accused me of trying to kill my baby by exercising so much. But here it is, six months later, and I have a healthy, beautiful, happy son. We just had his six month check up and he's 25th percentile in all growth parameters (so less short than before!) and ahead in language and motor. And that little boy's mother is right where she wants to be in life.
Running Song of The Day: Rastløs by Jokeren
Photo from Mount Royal, Frisco, Colorado.
"Children are fascinated by the ordinary and can spend timeless moments watching sunlight play with dust. Their restlessness they learn from you. It is you who are thinking of there when you are here. It is you who thinks of then instead of now. Stop. Let your children become the teachers and you the student" - William Martin