Header from Fyr til Fyr 60k. Photo by Moses Løvstad

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Howard Thurman

Sunday, 22 February 2009

Stepmom again


This past week my parents and step-daughter came to visit Næstved.

My parents were of course happy to be here seeing The Bois, but it was step-daughter who could barely contain her excitement. She talked about how it had been her dream "her whole life" to live close enough to a grocery store that she could walk to.

She loved her room in our apartment. And there is no doubt it is the coolest room of any house or apartment I have lived in. Then she made a Danish friend who lives upstairs. And for her birthday we bought her a little pink laptop computer (which is staying here). Happily, she seemed to be in heaven.

But then the crying started midweek; she wanted to stay in Denmark. Her life has been very hard the last three years. There is no doubt she has changed since I first met her. She used to be a content girl who loved to play and be the center of attention. Now if things don't go exactly as she wants she either pouts (perhaps for an entire day) or, as my dad says, "believes in punishing people." These are not good traits for an eight year old to have. But her life has been very unpredictable. She used to spend every day with her dad and now she doesn't. She used be involved in sports and activities and now she isn't. There are many things that are beginning to concern us, including the fact she seems to be stalling in school.

But this week, she got to step away from all of that. And I hope it was a good experience for her.

At the airport security gate, she was screaming and crying. She wouldn't let go of SR. I think even the security guards may have gotten a tear in their eye. 5 months until she moves here. I think I speak for all three of us (plus The Bois) when I say that time can't come too soon.

4 comments:

Abbie said...

I am glad that she had such a nice time. It brought tears to my eyes reading it. Hopefully her many difficulties that she has experienced will make her stronger.

olga said...

SR and Girl, these are your blogs, and that is all we know. What I wonder, sometimes, is what is her Mother thinks? Why is Daughter doesn't do sports anymore if she used to? How is Mother going to handle her being away once Daughter moves with you guys, and will Daughter miss Mom as much as she misses dad? Would it solve her new traits? What about Son, and how will he grow up without a Sister being around all the time? I mean, either way you take it, eventually things settle in, and we never, ever will know which way would have been best - we just live with one we took. But we often wonder, don't we? Not to bring more questions than you have to your lives, but I am curious about the "other flipside of the coin".
I posted same comment on SR's blog:)

Lisa said...

I am glad you got to visit with your step daughter. Her world has turned topsy turvy the last few years so if she pouts when she doesnt get her way, she is expressing her frustration over all of the transitions and changes and her lack of control in it. I always believed in giving my step daughter a few choices so she could just FEEL like she was making decisions and had some control. For example, my husband would ask open ended questions like "Where do you want to go for dinner?" of course, she wanted sushi and he wasn't prepared for that. Then he'd spend 15 minutes convincing her to pick something else, and so on. I told him give her 3 choices and let her choose within the limits you gave her. She quickly became much happier all around when we began that method of 3 choices. Right down to what to wear, what to watch on tv, what activity to do next, what chore to begin first, what homework to start, etc. You get the picture.

olga said...

Lisa, this method is awesome for anybody, not just step-kids, thanks!!!