Photo from the 2014 Ice Age Trail 50 Miler by Ali Engin. Permission to use header photo must be obtained through Ali Elgin.

"It's better to feel pain than nothing at all. The opposite of love's indifference." - The Lumineers

Monday, 20 April 2009

Human Skin

Yes. Human skin. It can be hard to live in. Right now I don't feel particularly good in mine.

We had an entire weekend off. In the US, we would have called it a "golden weekend."

But due to various circumstances, I didn't sleep enough, ate way too much and no doubt got on SR's nerves. Somehow the Lorax still likes me.

Anyway, sometimes I think about this golden, glowing person that lives inside of me. Not a person with jaundice from obstructive liver disease. But a person who is postive, loving, patient, forgiving and perhaps funny. I don't know why, but I just can't be that person.

It seems now that every moment, I am either at work, in way above my head with a language I've spoken for less than 6 months caring for patients with life-threatening and/or complicated problems OR I've got the Lorax attached to me crying or demanding attention.

But hey, I got quite a lot of positive feedback today from the attending doctor on the floor I work on. And I made some diagnoses today that I'm proud of. I have read what people have written about me on forums... how they would never come to me as a doctor. And, let me tell you, it was not taken lightly by me. But I would never be a good doctor if I weren't constantly recognizing my weaknesses and improving on them the best I can.

And the same rule applies to life.

Hey and today was a beautiful day. And what a run, with a view of the whole town from a ridge I've never been to. I wish I had a picture.

I do have another picture, though.



Running Song of the Day (and the best song and lyrics I've heard in quite a while)

I Sing I Swim by Seabear

It can be downloaded for free here: http://www.indierockcafe.com/2009/04/sin-fang-bous-great-indie-album.html

6 comments:

olga said...

Life overwhelms often, and what we might want to do (and I try, but don't succeed every time) is focus on those things that ARE good. C'mon, you do have it good! Sometimes I just sit down and list them - like last weekend. Sometimes I call those I love and who love me, and they list it for me:) Either way, it works!

Abbie said...

It's hard sometimes isn't it?! Don't listen to the forums and what they say. Some people are on the internet only to criticize others. It's hard to balance all the intricate parts that make up life but you have an excellent "journal" (your blog) to look back on. It will show you that you have done it before and will hopefully help you to do it again.

Keep your chin up. I still love it when you post. Feel better.

bravegirl said...

Hey SLG, hang in there. One thing I found helpful when I was struggling with managing isolation, work, and baby-care, was the idea that everything you feel is just a feeling, let it rise and pass like smoke. A little zen, but when things are getting you down or overwhelmed, maybe it will help.

Cee said...

you are doing a great job! you're balancing life as a mom and a doctor and a wife while learning a new language and RUNNING! People who judge you barely even know you- they just know you through your blog and that cannot be the entire you. They are probably like me and envy you a little. I was a die hard runner until i got pregnant. I found out I couldnt do law school, run competatively and be pregnant. I was way too tired. Now I'm trying to pick up the pieces of my running life. It's hard.

Anyway, I think you are doing great. Keep it up!

Danni said...

Sounds like you are a little stressed out. I hope that you are already feeling better in your skin. We all have those moments/weeks but hopefully it passes quickly!

SteveQ said...

It's the little things that hold us together, whether that Lorax's smile or a new favorite song (I still say you'd love Ida Maria's "I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked") or a few words from friends connected only by electrical impulses.