Talk about abrasive

I received a comment today, which I feel compelled to share (it was left on one of my posts from a couple of months ago). First, the comment in its entirety. Then the comment in bold and my responses in normal font.

"SLG--as someone who struggled to get pregnant and would do anything to have a baby, your comments are abrasive. You seem to take pregnancy for granted. And, I guess, since you have not had the pain of infertility you can't know what a blessing it is and how there are those of us that would do anything to have a baby and would give up anything to have that baby. To me, you seem like a very selfish person who puts vanity above the potential health of a child. It seems staying "skinny" and running high mileage is more important to you than taking care of your child. I think it is fine to run through your pregnancy and be active; I ran through my first pregnancy. But, running 13 miles a day plus biking, swimming, and dieting is not healthy. Do a search on pregorexia and you may find a description of your tendencies. I can't believe you and your husband are both physicians and so blatantly suffering from confirmation bias in your thoughts on exercise during pregnancy. Perhaps your recent miscarriage will make you think twice about the value of life and appreciate that some things are more important than your vanity. And, make your husband consider whether a woman that is willing to take risks with the health of her child to maintain a workout regimen and limited weight gain is worthy enough to be a mother. You may have gotten lucky once, but I believe your luck has run out."

-anonymous

SLG--as someone who struggled to get pregnant and would do anything to have a baby, your comments are abrasive. You seem to take pregnancy for granted.

I would never take pregnancy for granted. If it is desired by a woman or parents, it is a miracle, and is often a miracle when it is not desired (some might say it is always a miracle but that we humans don't always understand the nature of the miracle - another discussion entirely). I grew up thinking I would not be able to get pregnant as I had very infrequent periods and went 6 years without a period. I was very open to the idea of adoption. Though when I became pregnant, it was absolutely a dream come true. I would love to have a healthy pregnancy again and will do what is within my powers to make it happen. (I'm actually late for my period again - did I just announce that on my blog?)

And, I guess, since you have not had the pain of infertility you can't know what a blessing it is and how there are those of us that would do anything to have a baby and would give up anything to have that baby.

Again, it was a shock to get pregnant after two months and it is true that I have not experienced trying for a long time without success. Every woman's reaction to it must be different and I would never want to underestimate how heartbreaking it is. I have had people very close to me who have not been able to get pregnant and I know how devastating it can be.

To me, you seem like a very selfish person who puts vanity above the potential health of a child.

I am sorry I come off this way. I love my son and my two step kids and believe the health of all of us is very important. I am so vain, though. I probably think this blog is about me. Oh, it is. I love me. And why shouldn't I? There is plenty of room for me to love me, my husband, my kids, family and friends.

It seems staying "skinny" and running high mileage is more important to you than taking care of your child. I think it is fine to run through your pregnancy and be active; I ran through my first pregnancy. But, running 13 miles a day plus biking, swimming, and dieting is not healthy.

You think exactly what you're used to and comfortable wit his "fine", as does every woman. Well, I exercised as much as I did because I had done it before getting pregnant and thus it wasn't outside of any guidelines. I wasn't taking any risks. In fact, I believe my pregnancy was exceptionally healthy as I gained enough weight, stayed fit and ate well. I was in great shape before, better shape after and had a wonderful, healthy pregnancy. I can understand why women who simply listen to what others say would be jealous.

Do a search on pregorexia and you may find a description of your tendencies.

Pregorexia sounds like a word from popular media; it does not require much brain power to figure out what it is. I will refrain from doing that search, thanks. There is a wide range of healthy weight a woman can gain in pregnancy. I gained a sufficient amount of weight in my pregnancy. I was not a pregnant anorexic.

I can't believe you and your husband are both physicians and so blatantly suffering from confirmation bias in your thoughts on exercise during pregnancy. Perhaps your recent miscarriage will make you think twice about the value of life and appreciate that some things are more important than your vanity. And, make your husband consider whether a woman that is willing to take risks with the health of her child to maintain a workout regimen and limited weight gain is worthy enough to be a mother. You may have gotten lucky once, but I believe your luck has run out.


Come on now. Are you suggesting you are happy I had a miscarriage? I actually have tears in my eyes right now as I consider the "abrasive" (if I may borrow the word you used to describe me) nature of your comment. Every woman who has a miscarriage deals with guilt, wondering if she could have done something differently. I highly doubt that you have done more research on this subject that I have. Women who run actually nearly cut their risk of miscarriage in half. I actually had a miscarriage (or fetal demise) before I knew I was pregnant, so, happily, I don't feel guilty about it, since I didn't know about it in time to have done anything wrong.

Oh, and the confirmation bias. I have a boatload of studies compiled by the Danish Ministry of Health showing how healthy all kinds of exercise in pregnancy is (with the possible exception of horseback riding and high-impact ball sports). I also have an entire book written on the subject I could translate for you. YOU come forward with YOUR studies that prove that exercise is harmful and then we can begin a productive discussion. There is a lack of studies on endurance/high level athletes who continue to train during pregnancy and thus decisions must be based on extrapolation, case studies and good clinical judgement. Weight gain studies, as I have previously discussed ad nauseum, are extremely difficult to analyze because women who are pregnant with unhealthy babies also tend to gain less, so it makes research in that area very challenging and the results very difficult to interpret.

I guess it is convenient for you to be able to write this comment and run away without a name or blog attached to you. It would be nice to have a discussion where both parties are held equally accountable for their comments ...