Photo from Mount Royal, Frisco, Colorado.

"That is happiness; to be disolved into something complete and great. When it comes to one, it comes as naturally as sleep." - Willa Cather

Monday, 13 February 2012

Love report

Last night we held a party for Christian's fourth birthday. And it was fun. And the unspoken decision was made by both SR and myself that life should be more like THIS and less like a frozen 5k into a headwind. We slept in, had breakfast with my parents and the boys and didn't go to the half marathon as planned.

Good thing, as it turns out. Rumor has it on Facebook that the leaders were stopped for over two minutes by a train in the middle of the race. The leaders must have been like "well, isn't that nice..." as the whole field caught up.

The race was to raise money for breast cancer research, though, which is a good cause. But SR and I often discuss how research money raised for some more forgotten diseases where larger strides could be made might be a better idea. Don't get me wrong, though, anything is better than money going to big businesses.

And that is kind of how we spent our morning. Just discussing, talking, arguing a little. But mostly we discussed future plans as we went on a 20+ mile run, much of which was spent on the opposite side of the river from La Crosse (in Pettibone Park), sort of literally looking at our lives from afar.

And today I had the energy and wherewithall to truly listen to SR. Lately I have been living in a constant state of sleep and calorie deprivation. And if that combination does not spell out charm to you, who knows what does.

SR needs to develop a better relationship with his son, Andreas, and we both know that, though he never says it, our plans need to somehow be conducive to just that. I can dream all I want of being a physician in France who grows melons and lavender, but it is not in our life trajectory and I need to get practical. And I did (though I'm not giving anything away here just yet).

When I woke up this morning and read that Whitney Houston had died, I became extremely sad. Think of how a bad relationship (along with a touch of fame, of course) can ruin a life. I need to love my husband. I need to NOT be a crazy bitch wife. I need to help him be the person he wants to be.

If you have a moment, watch this video of Whitney Houston when she was young and beautiful - and what a voice. Then imagine her at 49, looking 10 years older, dying, addicted to drugs on some hotel bed in the afternoon, out of love. Sad.

Ladies, treat your man right. Guys, adore your woman.

(I am, of course, really only saying this to myself, though I'm not a man)

At some points in my life, this song seems like the perfect love song, and this is one of those moments. (you have to read the lyrics while listening)

Which makes me think of this. Who can name this artist?


Danni said...

It's hard sometimes to come back to center but it's a good thing to do. :-) I love this post.

Mapp said...

beautiful post, brought tears to my eays (although I'll just pretend it is because of the pregnancy hormones). It is damn tough to balance a love for sports and family life, and I for one feel sometimes very, VERY frustrated I can't spend more time running, climbing (which I kind of stopped doing), etc... and feel I am not the athlete I want to / could be... but then, I don't think I could be and be a good mum and wife (I am crap enough at it as it is) and train more, so I try to remind myself it is my choice...
Anyway, I can't offer you a solution for havig it all, including the melon and lavender growing physician job in France, but I can surely reiterate my invitation to come and visit us at some point : melons and lavender will be a bit on the scarce side in our garden in the Alps, but the flipside is, there is great trail running on our doorstep, and there will be play friends for the Lorax and Matthias :-)
Best of luck for whatever is to come...

DDitlev said...

*like* :)

Btw: Jackson Pollock

sea legs girl said...

Thank you, Danni, Mapp and Daniel for these comments. I feel a bit less alone in the world.

Mapp, thank you so much for the invitation to visit. You really do live in a wonderful country, even if I look at it with unrealistic romantic eyes. Melons and lavender will just always remind me of living in Le Gers. I have never been to the French Alps - but who would not love a reason to see them :)? Hope you are doing well with your pregnancy!!

Olga said...

Happy birthday to the little guy! lovely post, indeed. And treating those who mean to you well comes kind of with aging, although some figure it my earlier:)
As for Andreas, how is he doing?

SteveQ said...

4! Seems like he was just learning to walk and talk a minute ago.

It's an unpopular thing to say, but breast cancer research is overfunded. I once lost a basic research job due to lack of funding and then got hired to rewrite grant proposals to make them look like breast cancer research, which was 100% funded. Every advance in breast cancer research has actually come from basic research!

I've been in three races that had trains interrupt them.

sea legs girl said...

Daniel, yes, Jackson Pollock.

sea legs girl said...

Olga, he is doing well. He's a fun kid, but seems to want to hate doing things with us. Everyone understands his frustration/confusion. He is an amazingly talented artist. It is so cool that he has something that is all his own that he is really good at. Thanks for asking!!

sea legs girl said...

Steve, I had never heard of that train thing happening before. And, yeah, it is amazing how quickly time has gone with Christian. One can actually almost have an adult conversation with him. It is almost unreal. Good to know you don't me for writing that breast cancer research comment :).Just one of those things no one wants to say.

Sandhya said...

This is a great post, SLG. You sound like you were able to focus on all the right things.

One line that made me curious, though, is of the more mundane variety -- you said you've been living in a constant haze of calorie deprivation. Does it really feel tough each and every day to limit calories, or have you found a balance? I ask because I am a very compulsive eater (e.g., no snacks ever, some categories of food (admittedly, most of which I don't really like anyway, like fruit juice and potato chips) completely off limits) and those around me are constantly urging me to acknowledge the hunger pangs and just eat. When I do so, however, I invariably feel both unfulfilled and resentful that I'm capitulating to pressure.

Thus -- concededly at the risk of recapitulating the very dynamic you were trying to avoid ;) -- I would love to hear more about your thoughts and experience on this front.

sea legs girl said...

Sandyha, tough question. I pretty rarely feel truly hungry until I'm finished with a workout or until I start eating. I only hear often (from SR, of course) that I'm acting calorie-deprived (maybe it is lack of food, maybe not). There are so many signals that seem like hunger and I guess it is just my choice to ignore all of them and just eat approximately the same amount every day and never eat until I am full. Then I tend to stay at the same weight. Or at least that is the idea. I don't think I am answering your question, but I'm really not the type of person you want to take eating advice from!!

Sandhya said...

Thank you for such a candid reply, SLG. That is very helpful, actually. I absolutely agree that many different sensations can be experienced as hunger, and I like your approach of just deciding to eat X -- in some ways, that seems a lot more straightforward than having to decide every minute whether you're truly hungry and what you should eat. Although "mindful eating" is being touted everywhere (and it seems very intuitively appealing), I definitely find that the drawback is that you are constantly wondering whether you're reading your body's signals correctly. It might be a relief to step away from that and just stick to a plan. Regardless, thanks again for your thoughts!

Anonymous said...

Wow - this seems like such a strange conversation. What is arbitrary about hunger signals? Especially when exercising (and breastfeeding!) regularly? I also do not usually feel hungry WHILE exercising (and if I do, I consider it a bad thing, as in that I have not taken in enough calories, although it is very rare) but following exercise, it is obvious to my body when I need to eat, how could it not be? You have to eat to live, after all. Also, what about ENJOYING food? Full disclaimer, I am 5ft 6in, 123lbs, run 30mi a week or so, and eat what I want, when I want. In my early twenties, I was very restrictive with food and had the same sort of "rules" about what/when I ate, and Weighed about 119lbs. Not worth all the effort for 4-5lbs! I am SO much happier now. Just my two cents.

Shannon in KS