Photo from Mount Royal, Frisco, Colorado.

"Children are fascinated by the ordinary and can spend timeless moments watching sunlight play with dust. Their restlessness they learn from you. It is you who are thinking of there when you are here. It is you who thinks of then instead of now. Stop. Let your children become the teachers and you the student" - William Martin

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Monday, 6 October 2008

What's the point of marriage?

Multiple choice question:

You may circle one, more than one or none of the answers below.

What is the point of marriage?
A. Dowry
B. To adjoin the land of our noble families
C. I'd rather be a nun/priest, but I cannot control my lust, so I will get married
D. Have someone to propagate my race with so we are less likely to lose a war to invaders
E. I'm excited about the planet my husband will inherit
F. Jathakam match

So I've been thinking a lot about what marriage is. We went out to dinner on Friday night with two friends whose parents arranged their marriage. They met twice before their wedding. They seem happy now and have a beautiful baby girl. It must be nice to know that their marriage is appropriate in the eyes of their parents and their culture.

When one of my high school teachers heard about me divorcing my ex and getting married to SR, he said "Why didn't she just have a dirty little affair?"

So is love an unimportant part of marriage? (Certainly in Europe in the 14th to 16th centuries (or thereabout), love was reserved for extramarital affairs)

When SR asked me to marry him, it was the biggest no-brainer of my life. But does our marriage need to have some meaning beyond the fact that we love each other?

It was so clear this past weekend that our marriage does, of course, have a meaning beyond us. Because we love each other and care about each other so much, we have created a nucleus of happiness around which the step-kids and our little son can be happy and safe and learn to love.

This past weekend, we went on a bike expedition out of town. The step-kids are just learning to bike and SR thought up a six mile course. SR started running along side of them and I went to the end of the trail in a car with The Lorax and came back to meet them. I ran a few miles and then heard them coming. I left the baby jogger (with The Lorax inside) on the trail and I hid in a bush.

Ha. They were so scared to see the abandoned Lorax.

When I finally came out, step son yelled "Sealegs Girl was peeing!" I guess normally that would have been true.

They did a great job on their bikes, but got tired. I ended up riding step-daughter's bike the last two miles.

Then we went out to dinner. I've never seen all three kids so happy and excited about life. I was sitting there drinking Spotted Cow and feeding The Lorax guacamole when I realized I too was happy and excited about life.

We went to our cabin and goofed around and read books. The kids fell asleep and SR and I talked for hours.

I love sharing these days with SR. We have the privilege of defining our marriage and I'm grateful for that.

Running Song of The Day: Head Rolls Off by Frightened Rabbit. I love how he just keeps repeating this line: "While I'm alive, I make tiny changes to Earth."

5 comments:

Abbie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Abbie said...

Wow. That's a loaded question. I could write a whole post about it. Marriage is a promise between you, your spouse and in most cases God. I believe that it is a part of his plan for us and that ultimately, it will make the relationship we have with our spouse and our children stronger. Love in marriage is not always plentiful. Sometimes difficulties arise and thoughts of ending the marriage might come to mind. For me, making the promises I did at my wedding has helped me to remain committed and to remember that with God's help (along with my own commitment as well as my husband's) my marriage and family can be and will be strong and steady. (This is my Mormon faith explanation) :)

PS. Sorry about the deleted post. I really need to proof my comments.

Danni said...

I suppose our joke when we got married was: (said in robot voice) "m-m-m-m-ate secured"

SteveQ said...

Marriage was the best 14 hours of my life.

olga said...

To me - it IS about love. Promises are good, but I don't quite believe in them. It's not that once things are difficult - lets quit. It is when things are difficult, but you love each other, you talk it through, find a solution and maki it work. But when love is not there, no talking or solution will glue things together. Love is what makes the wolrd spin. And I mean it not only as mate love, but in more general terms. Responsibilities are good, but they mean little if they don't come from the heart. At least for me.