Let's not mince words. None of you would like to be married to me. Ok, well, there is one of you. That is, at least SR has gotten very good at pretending.
I'm neurotic, I obsess about things, I spend way too much time running and way too little time cleaning and cooking. But we've talked about all this before. The thing is, now that I'm pregnant, it's gotten even worse. I worry about things that make absolutely no sense - and guess what - it's starting to affect my running.
These words have now slipped out of my mouth twice: (imagine a crying, desperate voice) "I did it. I've killed another baby. I'm so stupid!"
The last time I said this was the day after the New Year's Eve Social Marathon. Every little pain I had post-race was somehow interpreted by me as evidence of the murder. I kept thinking over and over about what happened two days after Voyageur, telling myself that if I just made it 48 hours, I could stop worrying. But guess what, me? Voyageur had nothing to do with my miscarriage! But why can't I get that through my thick skull on a subconscious level?
The first time I said these words was two days after the Orlando Half Marathon, when I was suddenly convinced all of my signs of pregnancy had disappeared. I was up the entire night - and actually called SR in the middle of the night to tell him the bad news - that there would be no baby.
What on earth has gotten into me? I am 100% aware that my thought process is insane and founded on nothing. And yet, it continues. One of my favorite pass times: racing, is now absolutely tearing me up. And guess whose fault it is! ... my own.
In light of that, I've started to create the race schedule for 2011 (maybe you were wondering what was taking so long). The thing is, I know there is nothing dangerous here. And I will love running the races. It's just a question of getting through the two days after the race, for both SR and myself.
Anyway, here are the initial sketches of a fun year to come:
Cross Marathon over 2 days on the Island of Bornholm - March 19th-20th
Chippewa 50k in New Auburn, WI - April 23rd
Biking Trip with Tri Club & Family to Mallorca May 1st- May 8th
Copenhagen Marathon (need to finish this time!...with large belly) - May 22nd --Summer is still yet to be decided---
Milwaukee Lakefront Marathon Oct. 2nd (the comeback marathon!)
6 comments:
Let's not mince words
Of course not! I wasn't raised by wolves! Words should be puréed. Duh.
As for the other stuff - you found the right person to complement (read: "put up with") your personality. I know what that feels like because so did I. So, you know, do what you can to rein it in, which may not be much considering your present hormonal situation, and ride it out as best you can.
Five cents, please. (The going rate for psychiatric help, according to the Standard Van Pelt Scale.)
Nice race plan. Guess you've got to come up with a way to resolve your dilemma "pregnancy hormones anxiety/guilt vs racing pleasure"...seems like everyone says "listen to your body" so....if you feel comfortable and you're enjoying your runs, do so. If you feel as a consequence you need a little more recovery time/massage to make yourself feel better about it all, take it....recovery trains your body too! Race time for mummy, recovery for baby-building body...I'm gonna invoice you for just 2 cents as really I have no idea what I'm talking about. Happy running!!
Oh, you're a catch compared to most of the women I've dated. Have I mentioned the one who put a Boston terrier's entire head in her mouth, making me have to take her to the hospital and the dog to the vet?
You ain't even in the same league, sistah.
btw, that new header pic takes a full second to load - it must take Glaven's computer hours!
The subconscience definitely sucks but there you go.
Now go out for a run!
Hey, Brian! Thanks for stopping by twice now! I really appreciate the comments.
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