Let's not mince words. None of you would like to be married to me. Ok, well, there is one of you. That is, at least SR has gotten very good at pretending.
I'm neurotic, I obsess about things, I spend way too much time running and way too little time cleaning and cooking. But we've talked about all this before. The thing is, now that I'm pregnant, it's gotten even worse. I worry about things that make absolutely no sense - and guess what - it's starting to affect my running.
These words have now slipped out of my mouth twice: (imagine a crying, desperate voice) "I did it. I've killed another baby. I'm so stupid!"
The last time I said this was the day after the New Year's Eve Social Marathon. Every little pain I had post-race was somehow interpreted by me as evidence of the murder. I kept thinking over and over about what happened two days after Voyageur, telling myself that if I just made it 48 hours, I could stop worrying. But guess what, me? Voyageur had nothing to do with my miscarriage! But why can't I get that through my thick skull on a subconscious level?
The first time I said these words was two days after the Orlando Half Marathon, when I was suddenly convinced all of my signs of pregnancy had disappeared. I was up the entire night - and actually called SR in the middle of the night to tell him the bad news - that there would be no baby.
What on earth has gotten into me? I am 100% aware that my thought process is insane and founded on nothing. And yet, it continues. One of my favorite pass times: racing, is now absolutely tearing me up. And guess whose fault it is! ... my own.
In light of that, I've started to create the race schedule for 2011 (maybe you were wondering what was taking so long). The thing is, I know there is nothing dangerous here. And I will love running the races. It's just a question of getting through the two days after the race, for both SR and myself.
Anyway, here are the initial sketches of a fun year to come:
Cross Marathon over 2 days on the Island of Bornholm - March 19th-20th
Chippewa 50k in New Auburn, WI - April 23rd
Biking Trip with Tri Club & Family to Mallorca May 1st- May 8th
Copenhagen Marathon (need to finish this time!...with large belly) - May 22nd --Summer is still yet to be decided---
Milwaukee Lakefront Marathon Oct. 2nd (the comeback marathon!)
Photo from Mount Royal, Frisco, Colorado.
"Children are fascinated by the ordinary and can spend timeless moments watching sunlight play with dust. Their restlessness they learn from you. It is you who are thinking of there when you are here. It is you who thinks of then instead of now. Stop. Let your children become the teachers and you the student" - William Martin