This morning I woke up and I was so happy. I got to sleep again in peace next to SR. I weighed myself and still have only gained 6 lbs! Yay! And it was a beautiful day for a run.
But then I thought about what an emotional day yesterday was and I couldn't believe it had nearly slipped my mind already. I sometimes joke that I have the disorder of being constitutionally happy. I guess I doubt you can appreciate life to the fullest as a happy puppet. Yesterday I went back to my hometown to get a divorce with ex-husband, who I hadn't seen since March. In truth it was so good to see him and know he was okay. He was my best friend for ten years. And we broke up on the grounds that we had really never been more than great friends and at first it seemed mutual. But then in April he refused to talk to me. It was all to clear yesterday that though he was the same person he had always been, I had broken his heart and his life had not yet changed for the better. I would have to be heartless to not care about this. In the past, his happiness so much depended on me and there were few things that I cared about more, but now there is nothing I can do to make things better for him.
And I ask myself if I am a horrible person to have no regrets. But I met the love of my life. And have lived a fairy tale romance since SR and I started dating in March. And we are having a baby and I don't think either of us have ever been so happy. What more does one need in life? So I hope that ex-husband will find the same happiness. And regretting won't help anyone.
I hear SR's sleeping breath behind me and I know life is good. We're going to be running some fun trails this weekend. Hopefully I'll have a 20 miler on Saturday. I'll be excited to post pictures and tell the tales.
Running Song of the Day: Falling by Ben Kweller
Photo from Mount Royal, Frisco, Colorado.
"Children are fascinated by the ordinary and can spend timeless moments watching sunlight play with dust. Their restlessness they learn from you. It is you who are thinking of there when you are here. It is you who thinks of then instead of now. Stop. Let your children become the teachers and you the student" - William Martin